Say “Yes” Before You’re Ready

Do you say no to good opportunities because you don’t feel ready?

I almost did. Again.

Recently I was invited to give a talk on a topic I know a fair amount about, self-leadership as a solopreneur. I’ve worked in the space. I’ve helped others with it. I co-founded a leadership group. But when I got the invitation, my first reaction was: “They must have asked the wrong person.”

I started coming up with all kinds of excuses.
Maybe someone else would do a better job.
Maybe I’m not far enough along in my thinking.
Maybe this would expose what I don’t know.

That last one is always the loudest voice. The fear that someone will figure out I’m not actually that smart or qualified or whatever other standard I’ve decided matters in that moment. Call it impostor syndrome if you must, but I’d prefer to talk about its components.

This isn't new for me.

That feeling—that I need to be more prepared, more polished, more impressive before I say yes—has followed me most of my career and much of my life. And it’s cost me more than I’d like to admit.

But this time, before I could say no, I remembered something that happened back in grad school. A lesson that quietly rewired how I think about “readiness.”

The Database Professor Who Faked It (Kind Of)

At some point during my computer science masters program at NYU, I took a course in relational databases. Back then, these databases were still new and exciting tech. Oracle was really just beginning its rise on its back. My project at work was busily converting its networked database to a relational model, and I was involved with the process. So I was into the class.

Midway through the semester, I stopped by to thank him for the clarity he brought to a topic I found fascinating. I said something like, “It’s a privilege to learn from someone who really knows their stuff.”

He just smiled and said,
“I’m just two weeks ahead of the class.”

I laughed, but he wasn’t joking. He had picked this course because he wanted to learn it. The best way to learn something? Commit to teaching it. The students expect you to know it—so you become someone who knows it. If I had asked him a question about a future lesson, he would have been as lost as I was.

This absolutely blew my mind.

I had always assumed expertise was something you earned before you stepped into the spotlight. Not something you grew into because you were willing to step up.

Looking back, that one moment reshaped how I think about opportunities. And growth. And courage.

The Lie of Being “Ready”

In any fast-paced, innovative field, there will always be people who are early “experts.” But what does that even mean when an idea is young? It simply means that someone embraced the challenge of working with a new idea and said yes to it early.

There’s a particular kind of self-image a lot of high-achievers carry around: the idea that you need to be fully qualified, perfectly prepared, and undeniably the right person before you can say yes to a new opportunity.

It shows up in all kinds of ways:

• Turning down a stretch role because “I’m not ready to lead.”

• Avoiding a speaking opportunity because “I don’t know enough.”

• Not applying for the dream job because “they’d never pick someone like me.”

We tell ourselves we’re just being responsible. Honest. Humble, even.

But that’s not what’s really going on.

What’s happening is this:
You’re saying no because your internal image of who you are hasn’t caught up with who you’re becoming.

And when that inner image is out of sync, your first instinct is to shrink back. Stay small. Wait for more certainty. More proof.

But here’s the catch:
The certainty never comes before the leap. It comes after.

How I’ve Rewired My Own “Say No” Reflex

This most recent opportunity - the one I almost turned down - I very quickly said yes to. I recognized right away the negative voice in my head, and shushed it.

Not because I had a surge of confidence. Not because I magically felt more prepared. But because I’ve learned to pause and ask myself better questions.

Here’s what I now run through in my head when that old voice starts talking:

1. Is this something I wish I could say yes to?

If I could skip the fear and go straight to the part where I’ve crushed it, would I want to do this?

If the answer is yes, I try to let that be the louder voice. Desire is a hint from your future self. It’s telling you something about the life you want to grow into.

2. Can I get myself ready enough in time?

Not perfectly ready. Not 100% airtight. But good enough to show up, contribute, and learn along the way.

This is the part my professor modeled. He wasn’t “qualified” two weeks before the course. But he committed. He trusted himself to rise to the occasion.

Most people underestimate their ability to ramp up. Especially if they care deeply about the work. If you’re the kind of person who takes responsibility seriously, you’ll probably show up harder than you think once you commit.

3. Would saying yes stretch me into someone I want to be?

This one hits different. It shifts the focus from how ready am I now? to who am I becoming?

Think of it like saying yes to a 5K race when your average run is still a mile. You might not feel ready. But saying yes is the thing that motivates you to become ready. The commitment pulls you forward.

You grow by stretching. Not by waiting until you’re comfortable.

4. Am I turning this down out of fear, or because it’s truly the wrong fit?

Not every “no” is a problem. Some are healthy boundaries. But you’ve got to be honest with yourself.

Are you saying no because it doesn’t align with your values, your energy, or your vision?
Or are you saying no because you’re afraid you might fail?

That distinction is everything.

Why This Matters for Leaders

I coach a lot of leaders who are wildly competent on paper. They've already achieved big things. But they’re still carrying around an outdated self-image—one that quietly tells them they’re not really qualified for the next leap.

So they hesitate. They turn things down. They stay in roles they've already outgrown.

Not because they’re lazy or indecisive.

Because their identity hasn't caught up with their potential.

One of the most powerful shifts we work on together is helping them recode that image. To update the story they’re telling themselves about who they are and what they’re capable of.

And one of the patterns we break over and over again is this one:

Saying no to opportunities because of outdated self-images.

When that pattern breaks, everything changes. New ideas. New moves. New energy.

So Let’s Flip It

Instead of asking,
“Am I ready for this?”

Try asking:
“Will saying yes help me grow into who I want to be?”

That’s a much better filter.

And the truth is, most of us are more ready than we think. We just haven’t learned to trust the version of ourselves that shows up after the commitment.

A Little Reframe to Take With You

Amy Poehler once said “Great people do things before they’re ready.”

When you catch yourself saying no an opportunity, remind yourself that

“Being ready isn’t a prerequisite. It’s a side effect of showing up.”

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You need to be willing to get in the arena. To prepare hard. To fail a little. And to keep going anyway.

Every “unready” yes I’ve said has stretched me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Every one I’ve turned down out of fear?
They didn’t protect me.
They just delayed the growth I actually needed.

Your Turn

What’s something you said no to because you didn’t feel ready?

And what’s something you wish you had said yes to?